I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
babies were throwing up all over the place
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
