You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ladies don't puke and tell
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
