he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
