his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
