I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize