This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
