do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
