Buhtt sex?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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