so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
