We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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