she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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