It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Can you bring me the toilet please
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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