Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
