HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Boobs speak an international language.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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