The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
