You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
