Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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