He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
