I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
