Dual....:-)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
