Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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