I looked at my own cervix.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
