rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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