Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
