Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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