last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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