ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.

  Fav 36 1165 3200

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

  Fav 33 7263 981

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

  Fav 61 1380 5953

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him

  Fav 23 6249 1324

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  Why is your vibrator in the fridge?

  (1-760): View more from California

  I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.

  Fav 41 7336 1792

  share tweet
  

• (708): View more from Illinois

  He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.

  Fav 15 5332 1388

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (705): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...

  Fav 25 2804 1365

  share tweet
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper

  Fav 4 1051 629

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.

  Fav 1 659 1163

  share tweet
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"

  Fav 4 585 436

  share tweet
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.

  Fav 6 555 392

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.

  Fav 0 202 239

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.

  Fav 0 52 11

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.

  Fav 0 51 9

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You just don't understand... :'(

  Fav 0 40 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize