I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My life is pants optional.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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