My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
