I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
