OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
