is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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