**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
