I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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