Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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