Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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