It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
