babies were throwing up all over the place
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
