if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My dick has a subreddit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
