so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
