after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
