Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
