Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
