Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize