well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
