i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
