you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just found puke in my bra..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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