genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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