she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
