i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
