Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
