I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
