It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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