just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
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Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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