apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
