I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
