Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
