I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
