I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
