How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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