OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
