If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
