I just saw a hot homeless man
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
