i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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