apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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