Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
