We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
