do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
