So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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