When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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