My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
So. Much. Porn.
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