Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
