Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
