HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
