is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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