I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
