when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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