Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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