Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
