dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
