Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
